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Unnamed U.S. Gov't Agent
( narrator) |nationality = |death = |cause of death = |occupation = Federal Agent |story = "The Irvhank Effect" |year = n/a |affiliations = U.S. Government }}A U.S. Government Agent was assigned to investigate two physicists as part of an ongoing probe into the failure of a number of underground nuclear tests. This problem was being kept as the utmost secret from the Soviet Union and more importantly from Congress. Any and all anomalies related to radiation were reviewed resulting in many man-hours and much computer time being expended. For instance, all nuclear reactors east of the Mississippi River experienced a simultaneous six second "hiccup" which the plant managers tried to hush-up. As well, a number of high energy physics experiments went unexpectedly awry. Also, cases of disappointingly ineffective radiation cancer treatments were investigated.See, e.g., There Will Be War Volume VIII, loc. 1824-1833, ebook. Many of these events were localized and were plotted on a map. This gave the agency an idea where it was centered. Two physicists in this area were known to have vacationed in Las Vegas when a test in Nellis Air Force Base was inexplicably late going off. The Agent was assigned to investigate Farmer and Jeter.Ibid., loc. 1833-1842. The Agent disguised himself as a repairman and broke into Farmer's condo while he was at work. He found Farmer's notes and a half written paper explaining the Irvhank Effect. He quickly skimmed the papers and then stuffed them into his duffel bag and left. The documents indicated the actual device was in Jeter's apartment so the Agent left it clear that there had been a burglary and expected Farmer to rush over to see Jeter. His plan was to speak to the two together.Ibid., 1842. The Agent's expectations proved correct. He entered Jeter's building and paused at the apartment door where he heard the two talking. He then picked the lock and entered the room the two were in, brandishing a Uzi with a silencer and a forty round box magazine. The two physicists were startled and the Agent cautioned them not to try anything, the gun would sound like Donald Duck sneezing and leave them hamburger.Ibid., loc. 1842-1851. After discussing their work and discovering that the effect could not be limited to protecting the U.S. while leaving the Soviets exposed, the Agent asked what the two hoped to accomplish. Jeter contemptuously explained that they would bring world peace by preventing nuclear destruction. The Agent was not impressed and explained that aside from chemical and biological weapons, the Soviets had significant numerical superiority in conventional weapons. In Europe they had a 3-1 advantage in tanks, 2-1 in aircraft and 3-2 in ground troops. Once they realized the nuclear deterrence was over, they would have no strategic obstacle in launching an invasion. Farmer objected, stating that they would still be subject to bombings and counter attacks with the possibility of losing. The Agent indicated that that wasn't much of an obstacle to the Soviets, that Americans had a hard time understanding that the Soviets had done the bulk of the fighting during World War II. The last people that had success in occupying Russia were the Mongols. He further explained that the Soviets had suffered 11-13 million dead troops and 7 million civilian casualties during WWII and would be willing to risk the same again. This shocked Farmer and Jeter but the Agent explained that they grew up during the Vietnam War where there were only 50,000 U.S. dead over a dozen years and that they had no idea about a truly big conventional war.Ibid., loc. 1851-1870. The Agent had not liked his orders and had tried to bring the two around to his point of view but it was no use, the situation was to far from their normal thought processes. Reluctantly, Donald sneezed, emptying half the clip into the two physicists killing them instantly. The Agent then searched Jeter's apartment and found his notes along with the device under his bed. The Agent pulled it out and fired off the other half of the clip into it. He then threw both sets of notes onto the floor, doused them with gasoline from a can in his duffel and set it on fire. The Agent escaped and read in the papers that the fire department had managed to hold the fire to only three floors. That way, attention would be diverted from his actions and his trail could be hidden. He reported back and everyone was pleased. The next test went off without a hitch and everything was back to normal. No one debriefed the Agent on the Effect, wanting to keep the details off the record.Ibid., loc. 1889. The Agent's journal indicated that he was the only one with any knowledge about the Effect and that he really shouldn't be writing about it. It ends with "More later. Somebody's at the d..."Ibid., loc. 1898. References Category:Assassins (Fictional Work) Category:US Federal Agents